"I do not know for I have no idea." Vague as it may seem, but those were the distinct words that would pop out when asked, what stops you from doing things that the people around you think you are capable of doing?
I have lived with the crippling fear of what ifs for as long as I can remember. It is like an active event in my mind that I could not decipher when it all started. No scanning gadget could detect its origin. I could not trust my logical self that everything will be okay 'coz I have kept on relying that someone can make it ok for me.
My confidence has reached a point where I had turned down possibilities, chances and opportunities of adventure because my mind had been consumed uninterruptedly of pessimism. The scenario I create for myself, trust me, has become debilitating. The "what ifs" encompassed all aspects of my decision making: new job, new
friends, new quarters and new love. Worry has become a part of me as
breathing.
I am cognizant that this kind of behavior is undermining my self-confidence. An aha moment, yes , a realization. A realization that things could be turned around when I questioned myself, "when will it end?" I knew, I could have a better version of me.
That insidious negative voices in my head that bonded with the choices in life should be blocked. I have wasted my life asking what could go wrong instead of focusing on everything that could go right. I need to allow uplifting mental scenarios to set foot so that I could turn the negativity into positive ones.
Life is scary and insecure. This extended worry has led me to isolation. Slowly, I will reach that destination of what God has intended for me to live.
As I gradually expose myself to the fields that I worry about, I would be slowly feeling comfortable and make meaningful connection. Religious or not, God will take away anything that bogs us down and use it for our own benefit. Even in times of doubt, God has promised that He will not allow trials to be great that we cannot bear it.
Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
So, where do I start, love life?
